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Regular readers of this blog know a thing or two about my ridiculous pseudo-hobby of playing cartoon barbies in a virtual world. And if anyone tells me that secondlife is a pervert-infested realm of ultra-geeks wasting time in a shitty video game that doesn’t even have a point, I won’t disagree. All I can say is, fuck the haters, because I have imaginary cats.

Yes, I have five imaginary cats, and they are stupidly adorable. The first one I ever got, Patches, is the inspiration for the character Patches in the Meteor Mags stories I keep producing and you keep not reading. But today’s post is about another feline member of my digital delusions: Vortex.

vortex underwater (1)

Vortex was born on a hippie commune, and she’s been trippin’ her tits off ever since. When she dreams about her stuffed piggy toy, she imagines him with three slices of bacon. I gave her away once, to someone who seemed like they needed a pet. A year later, she showed up again. She wasn’t even mad.

They say if you love something, set it free… on an unsuspecting civilization, to wreak havoc and total destruction.

So as long as we’re blogging about stuff you quit reading three paragraphs ago, let’s look at some more pics of pixel cats who are so cute you’re probably going to get permanent brain damage.

patches has a seahorse.jpg

Patches has a shiny new seahorse she cuddles with when she sleeps. The company that makes these cats recently sent out updates, and they included a wide array of toys the fictitious felines cuddle with. Don’t even get me started on the variety of animal-shaped toys they play with, or the balls your avatar can throw so the cats fuck about for a few minutes and scamper back to your feet with the ball in their fangs. Seriously. Don’t. Even.

I love these little cats so much, and it makes me worry that maybe adulthood sort of passed me by. Then again, it’s nice for a cynical old bachelor like me to have some toys that are as fun and absorbing to play with as when I was a kid with dinosaurs and G.I. Joes killing the fuck out of each other all afternoon on the bedroom floor or in rain puddles in a muddy yard.

But I digress. Up next is Kala, who is named after a goddess of creation and destruction who inspired a poem you can read on this bloody site. In India, the word kala also refers to 64 different arts a woman can learn, and these arts include both the creative and practical areas of life. I picked the name Kala for a young woman in my stories to develop her as an artist. But seriously, are we looking at imaginary cats or what?

kala at stanza

Listen, I warned you not to get me started on their toys, but you went and made me do it. Kala has a body pillow with a skeleton outfit that is too perfect for a pirate kitty. Now please have me institutionalized before I do something crazy like get these cats their own twitter accounts.

Snapshot_004.jpg

I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not the only nutjob with these cats. You should be thankful I gave them nice names. Next is a picture of my friend’s adorable little kitten, Miss Poopy Butthole. No, I can’t even type that without cringing, but damn, she is one cute kitty. She has a wreath in her hair, and a panda bear. FTW!

missy naps with panda