DC Villains Suck! And other things to argue about.

Note: Due to the number of responses we get from readers who thought we were SERIOUS when we made this post, we made some edits recently.

Paul at Longbox Graveyard challenged us to do our own Top Ten DC Characters post – mainly so we could continue our friendly rivalry of tossing rotten eggs at each other’s Top Ten lists. Paul, we’re happy to oblige. But first, witness a gallery of the suckiest comic book characters ever invented – the DC Villains!

 

 
Only George Perez’s masterful artwork could make us give a damn about this rogue’s gallery of losers. Lex Luthor’s got potential. We’ve enjoyed some stories featuring Lex, like John Byrne’s version of Superman. Consider Byrne’s Superman #2: Lex gets evidence that Kent and Supes are the same guy, but his egomania won’t let Lex accept this answer. But dude, whatever this crappy costume is they made for him in the 1980s was all about, it completely sucked. He’s mad because he blames Superman for making him bald, but he dresses in this obscenely lame get-up. Sheesh.

Deathstroke the Terminator is cool. WAY cool. We like him. In fact, almost every one of the DC Villains we do like come from the mind of Marv Wolfman during his Teen Titans run.

Brainiac sucked until they made him a robot, which somebody posted HERE on scans_daily.

Polaris was kind of cool – magnetism powers – but as a character he sucked, too. Cheetah? Suck. Solomon Grundy? Suck. Penguin? Ugh. Sinestro? Big time suck. Villains with the same powers as the hero always suck!!! Sabretooth? COME ON! He’s Wolverine! Oh, that’s Marvel. Reverse Flash? Dude, get an idea! Anyway..

Paul disagrees, of course. He likes DC Villains. So feel free to lambaste us for being insensitive luddites with the IQ and cultural sophistication of a turnip. It’s the blogging version of making our action figures fight, which is great fun.

TOP THIRTEEN DC CHARACTERS:
We see that the current Official Poll that Paul cites includes Neil Gaiman’s Death character, so Vertigo is open in this competition. And since DC seems to own Wildstorm these days, we’re figuring that’s fair game too.

In no particular order:
1. Swamp Thing.
2. Jenny Sparks (a Warren Ellis character created on his run in Stormwatch, later in The Authority.) Runner up: Jack Hawksmoor.
3. Deathstroke the Terminator (Teen Titans villains created by Marv Wolfman.) Runners up: Trigon, Psimon.
4. Jack Marlowe (a combo of Hadrian, Emp, and Void from WildC.A.T.S.)
5. Mitchell Hundred (Ex Machina)
6. Matty Roth (DMZ)
7. Sandman/Morpheus, King of Dreams. Runners up: Matthew the Raven and Death.
8. Starfire. Runner up: Cyborg.
9 OMAC by Jack Kirby. Runner up: Kirby’s Mister Miracle.
10. Rorshach (Watchmen)
11. Elijah Snow (Planetary)
12. Wildfire from Legion of Superheroes Characters
13. V (V For Vendetta)

About Mars Will Send No More


8 responses to “DC Villains Suck! And other things to argue about.

  • #12 Top Ten DC Comics Characters « Longbox Graveyard

    [...] Pingback: DC Villians Suck! And other things to argue about… « Mars Will Send No More [...]

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  • Longbox Graveyard (@LBoxGraveyard)

    THAT is an epic blast, Mars, and I admire the spirit of it even as I discount your unhinged ravings.

    Where to start?

    First of all, your “ballot” … a top fifteen that’s more like a top thirty. There’s no way that ballot is passing inspection outside Chicago and south Florida. The idea of a Top X is to limit yourself and make tough choices. Cheater and doo-doo head, indeed.

    I do like the image of making our action figures fight, ably supported by that character design of Lex Luthor from the cover of Crisis. I’d forgotten that action figure design (thankfully), far preferring Luthor in purple tights and bubble helmet. Cheetah is welcome at my blog any time (maybe Wonder Woman will tie her up), and while he may be Reverse Flash to you, I prefer to call him … Professor Zoom! C’mon, how cool is that? He should wear tie-die shirts and tootle around in a ’77 Chevy van.

    (Actually your dismissal of the Penguin and deliberate omission of the Joker confirms that we have no basis for discussion here; the Batman rogue’s gallery is superior, all by itself, to any group of villains any comic company can muster …)

    As for your list of faves, notwithstanding the dodgy nature of your ballot, we reach on Swamp Thing, the New Gods, and Krypto, but you’re otherwise too enamored of these upstart whippersnapper indie kids. The Authority? Planetary? My Bronze Age spirit rebels at the thought (though I will give you points for naming Rorshach, and half-credit for V For Vendetta, where I tempt blasphemy by admitting I liked the movie more than the book).

    And putting your list “in no particular order?” Agg! You act like you run this blog, or something. Watch your step or the Secret Society of Super Villains will help you down the stairs.

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  • Mars Will Send No More

    Bronze Age?! BRONZE Age?! You are in the Dark Ages my friend! If you were in charge of DC, we’d all be huddled in caves rattling bone shards at each other while the larger predators ate our young! Warren Ellis would have to leave the solar system to find signs of intelligent life!

    Why you even… Wait a minute… Paul, it’s too hard to hurl insults at your tastes when you keep coming up with these awesome $#%@-ing ideas!

    You need to get back to writing, dude. The world is now ready for your vision of Professor Zoom. We think you’re talking about Chester from Swamp Thing, only in a yellow Flash t-shirt and a red ball cap with lightning bolts on it, jamming the Allman Brothers Live at Fillmore as he cruises around town high on illegal substances, looking for ways to stick it to the man at super speed. Plus, he’d have that wacky ability to travel in time and go to all the Dead shows he missed the first time around.

    Next time around, we should do a top ten list of reasons why characters in purple pants all suck! Because there’s no way you’d let us get away with Hulk and Luthor on that list… But we’d probably vibe on Fin Fang Foom.

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  • #16 Top Ten Marvel Comics Characters « Longbox Graveyard

    [...] here, but rather than resort to trickery like the scoundrel who runs the otherwise-excellent Mars Will Send No More blog, I’ve knuckled down and made the hard choices, holding myself to just ten Marvel [...]

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  • #18 Top Single Issue Stories « Longbox Graveyard

    [...] by giving me good-natured grief over my Top Ten DC Comics Characters list (and responded with a wobbly list of his own), so when he threw down the gauntlet on Twitter about doing a Top Single Issues list, I was eager [...]

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  • Why Comic Book Blogging Totally Rules: 2011 in Review « Mars Will Send No More

    [...] ants powered by super brains from space just as the galaxy was incinerated… And so began what Paul calls our “un-hinged ravings” about our favorite comic [...]

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  • Henrietta

    I like DC villains. They are quirky and interesting. I absolutely detest Marvel villains. I can’t think of a single one that I actually like. They seem too similar to real world bad people and I don’t care to be reminded of the real world when I am reading comics.

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