Paul at Longbox Graveyard challenged us to do our own Top Ten DC Characters post – mainly so we could continue our friendly rivalry of tossing rotten eggs at each other’s Top Ten lists. Paul, we’re happy to oblige. But first, witness a gallery of the suckiest comic book characters ever invented – the DC Villains!
Only George Perez’s masterful artwork could make us give a damn about this rogue’s gallery of losers. Lex Luthor’s got potential. We’ve enjoyed some stories featuring Lex. Like, John Byrne’s version of Superman: issue 2 where Lex gets evidence that Kent and Supes are the same guy – but his egomania won’t let Lex accept this answer. Other great Luthor stories are…. uh… argh…. DK2 by Frank Miller and… um…. uh…. Dude, whatever this crappy costume is they made for him in the 1980s was all about, it completely sucked. He’s mad because he blames Superman for making him bald, but he dresses in this obscenely lame get-up. Sheesh.
Deathstroke the Terminator is cool. WAY cool. We like him. In fact, almost every one of the DC Villains we do like come from the mind of Marv Wolfman during his Teen Titans run: Trigon, Deathstroke, Psimon, etc.
Brainiac sucked until they made him a robot, which somebody posted HERE on scans_daily.
Polaris was kind of cool – magnetism powers – but as a Character he sucked too. Cheetah? Suck. Solomon Grundy? Suck. Penguin? Please erase him from all history. Ugh. Sinestro? Big time suck. Villains with the same powers as the hero always suck!!! (Sabretooth? COME ON! He’s Wolverine! Oh, that’s Marvel. Reverse Flash? Dude, get an idea!… anyway…)
Paul disagrees of course – he likes DC Villains. So feel free to lambaste us for being insensitive luddites with the IQ and cultural sophistication of a turnip. It’s the blogging version of making our action figures fight, which is great fun.
TOP FIFTEEN DC CHARACTERS:
We see that the current Official Poll that Paul cites includes Neil Gaiman’s Death character, so Vertigo is open in this competition. And since DC seems to own Wildstorm, we’re figuring that’s fair game too. Keep in mind we’re talking about characters we like, not considering that sometimes the stories they appear in are not always written or drawn well. It’s about Character. Plus, we’re combining characters from one title into one slot, because, well, we’re cheaters and doo doo heads.
In no particular order:
1. Swamp Thing (Once Moore, Bissette, Totleben, and Veitch got a hold of him)
2. Warren Ellis characters in The Authority: Jack Hawksmoor, Jenny Sparks, The Doctor, Angela Spica The Engineer
3. Teen Titans Villains created by Marv Wolfman: Deathstroke the Terminator, Trigon, Psimon.
4. Jack Marlowe (a combo of Hadrian, Emp, and Void from WildC.A.T.S.)
5. Mitchell Hundred (Ex Machina)
6. Matty Roth (DMZ)
7. Sandman/Morpheus, King of Dreams (Plus Matthew the Raven and Death)
8. Starfire & Cyborg & Wonder Girl & Robin (Teen Titans as handled by Wolfman & Perez)
9 Jack Kirby Characters: OMAC, The Bug (New Gods), Mister Miracle.
10. Justice League characters: Green Lantern, J’onn J’onzz, The Batman, Wonder Woman
12. Rorshach (Watchmen)
13. Elijah Snow (Planetary)
14. Legion of Superheroes Characters: Wildfire, Dream Girl, Timber Wolf, Brainiac, etc.
15. V (V For Vendetta)
Yes, there’s a lot to love at DC. But most of it comes from the “Indie” titles they own or distribute or whatever the hell they do over there. Some of it comes from the Silver Age – but only in the Bronze Age did these characters actually become worth a tinker’s damn.